"And so it begins", my thoughts on the 1st episode of The Next Iron Chef

Since the Chairman went insane and decided to do this Iron Chef recruitment contest AGAIN - I've ranted in the last post, so comment there if you want to blast me with angry comments about how I'm being insulting to the Chairman, who I admire but think needs to rethink his priorities if he's doing something like this on a regular basis - I decided to give my thoughts on each "episode", which I'm guessing will last 2 hours, because the first did. Something tells me that FN was paid big bucks by the advertisers to make it so long so they could gets tons of cheap advertising time.

Anyways, I won't go into the bios of the contestants, except to say that most of them(or all, I haven't checked the list of ICA episodes lately) had competed in Kitchen Stadium like Mehta and Frietag. I've given up supporting anyone, but I am praying that one of the three women(three instead of two like the first competition - both got eliminated within the first two rounds) wins so we have another woman Iron Chef; not that I am betraying Cat Cora, who I still think is VERY SEXY as the first female Iron Chef, but Iron Chef is a bit male-oriented in the Iron Chefs, if you get my drift. <_< We need a bit more estrogen in the lineup to prove that women can do as well as the big boys - Sadly, Cat Cora is the worst Iron Chef on record, having almost as many losses as wins. Sorry, Cat ,that just had to be said. I'm sure you can improve, but I'd like to see another woman join you and kick some serious challenger @$$ in Kitchen Stadum.

There was a lot more pomp & circumstance in this season, with the Chairman himself meeting the chefs and giving a grandiose speech. Well, since he's also a full-time actor and martial artist I wouldn't be surprised he has drama training. ^_^

Alton Brown came in and briefed the group, then we have the first two-part test. The tests are different then the last season, but then again, I suspect they're trying to follow the same format they do with "The Next Food Network Star" to negate any advantage that chefs who had competed in Food Network stuff before, or watched the last season, had. Of course, all tests will probably be timed due to the fact that, heck, the winner has to go through timed cookoffs as an Iron Chef, so it makes sense.

• MEMORY

The first part was simple - each of the chefs had to take the ingredient that was given to them and their "link to the culinary world" and create a dish that told a story about themselves in 45 minutes. 45 minutes is shorter than the usual Kitchen Stadium hour, but this is only one dish.

After the time limit was hit and everyone finished their dishes, the judging was done similar to the third test of the last season - each dish was tasted by the others, commented on, and after the tasting all the chefs had to pick one of the other dishes that they liked the best. Jose Garces passed this test with flying colors, getting the vote from five of his rivals.

• FEARLESSNESS
  

You ever watched "Chopped?" Ted Allen has three chefs go through three rounds of making a three-course meal with mystery ingredients, usually a combination of weird things paired with normal stuff that would not normally work if you were in your comfort zone.

Well, this is sort of like that. Also, there was a similar test in the last season - the premise; you were given a food item that normal chefs would never, in a kizajillion aeons, use because it would be considered unusuable and, well, GRRRRRROSS! The appetizing list went from merely spoiled stuff like stinky tofu(which the poor sap who got it later said smelt like soiled baby diapers) to stuff that make you lose your lunch if you had to deal with it, like unfertilized eggs that were removed from the chicken, COMPLETE WITH THE FALLOPIAN TUBES THEY WERE GOING THROUGH AT THE TIME! EEEEEWWW!!! I'd retch at the thought of it.

And yes, the chefs had to utilize it in a dish. What's more, chef Garces, who won the last test, was given the opportunity to swap the ingredients of two chefs, so he tactically swapped the stinky tofu that chef Crenn had with sea cucumbers that chef Seamus had, effectively forcing Crenn to make things up on the fly. This caused her to be one of the two who was in "death row" at the elimination.

I was not surprised that one of the selection committee for this season was the "Judge Dredd" of Kitchen Stadium, Jeffery Steingarden. He scares even the Iron Chefs with his heavy-handed and bluntly honest to insanity criticisms. Every time I see his Santa Claus face, I sigh and think "Not HIM again." I have nothing against anyone, not even him, but he is very honest to a point and tends to get into a fight with other judges with his thoughts.

Well, the Chairman probably was wise to do this - if you are trying to be serious about this sort of thing, you really need a stone-cold, unbribeable judge like "Judge Jeffery Dredd" on your committee; he won't take any excuses for poor food.

I don't know if it was Steingarden who put the score that caused chef Greenspan to get axed, but I feel a bit of pity for him.

Greenspan: "If I get chopped because of GRASSHOPPERS, I'm never gonna live it down."

*whack*

Greenspan: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST OF ME, YOU (censored)S!!!!"

*sigh* Talk about a sore loser. Seriously, it's your own fault, Eric. You just used the cricket cousins as garnish and roasted away the flavor of the insect meat, you didn't make them the star like the others did. At least Crenn, who could have been chopped instead, was smart enough to make them front and center and give their flavor a chance to show. Yeah, I'm being a hypcrite because I'd shiver if I had to eat grasshoppers(or cicadas, which are creepier), but I'm open-minded and you are not. Thnxbaibbq, chef Greenie.

And I'm glad Eric's gone. No offense, but if he won I'd seriously get disilluisioned - I don't need to see another guy with a scruff of hair masquerading as a beard. (Symon has one, but it's more of a goatee.)

I am not going to watch the teasers for the next episode because I want to be surprised.

Bon appetit, everyone.